One of the messages the church in general seems to communicate clearly is that we should never doubt our faith, or especially God. Being honest with your pastor about the doubts you’re having often makes the as squeamish as a parent who’s toddler just asked them where babies come from. Often you end up getting pat answers about trusting God, and the need for faith. The problem is the answers don’t really deal with the doubt, and they certainly don’t make us feel any better, so what do we do?
The dictionary says that being cynical is defined as being “bitterly or sneeringly distrustful, contemptuous, or pessimistic.” I used to think that there wasn’t really anything that wrong with being cynical, in fact I almost felt as if it was a good thing. I saw myself as being a realist; someone who objectively analyses the world around them. After thinking about what my friend had to say, I think I’m getting a little cynical about being cynical. I’m starting to get distrustful and pessimistic about the benefits of cynicism. I think it’s time for a change.
This past week was a tough week. It’s not that I was drowning in the depths of depression, or anything like that, it was just a low week. They happen every now and then, and you just need to wait them out, kind of like the flu, without the weight-loss. What bothers me about these times is how hard it is for me to see God and to know that he is present. Well, maybe “know” is the wrong word. That’s the problem with the dark times, it’s not what we know that’s in question, it’s more a question of what we feel.
So I thought I’d slap up a few random, unfinished poems I’ve been working on. I figured that some of you might enjoy them, and who knows, maybe some of you might have a few suggestions for which direction to go with them.